As most of you informed readers know by now (we’re never the first to break news here at SGS) Fulham FC has an outside shot at playing some continental footie next season. While this is certainly a newsworthy story, what makes it worthy of our brand of wit and sarcasm? First off, the five yanks who make West London and Craven Cottage their home.

And, secondly the fact the Fulham only escaped the drop into the Colaship by four goals and would be taking the most remote of back doors (located in the deepest, darkest, scariest alley littered with bums, trash, and tranny hookers that look like Ronaldinho) into European competition. That would be qualifying for the Intertoto Cup (this competition is considered a European competition like fried-chicken dipped in alfredo sauce is considered health food) via the FIFA Fair Play league, which could grant them entry into the qualifying rounds of the UEFA Cup. Since football is such a business anymore, no one would turn down the opportunity to play in Europe, get more revenue, and expand their brand to the darkest corners of Scandinavia and Eastern Europe; however, someone at Fulham should step up and give their place in the UEFA Cup via Intertoto Cup via the FIFA Fair Play League/rankings to someone more deserving, like say the Milwaukee Bavarians who, on a good day, could probably take all three points from the Cottage. Would the manliest of Prem managers, Roy Keane, allow his Sunderland team to qualify for Europe’s ugly step sister competition in such a way? I think not. One also has to wonder if the FIFA Fair Play League and Intertoto Cup were really created to give sub par Premiership, Serie A, Bundesliga, and Primera Liga sides a chance to get into Europe. Because, as we all know, shit clubs from Turkey, Greece, Russia, Norway, Iceland, Slovakia, et al. don’t even deserve the same chances that the shit teams in the Big 4 Leagues do.

Back to the first point I made about why this would even concern us here at Seven Guys Short; Kasey Keller, Eddie Johnson, Brian McBride, Clint Dempsey, and Carlos Bocanegra (if he stays). I as an American, and thus a Fulham fan, am happy that the Whites are possibly going to be playing on the continent in the fall. It isn’t often you see an American playing in Europe’s top club competitions, and to have the possibility of 5 yanks getting the opportunity to play in Europe, in the same season, in the same game is something that I didn’t think I’d see in my lifetime. It’ll be great experience for the players, as well as showing some people across the pond that some of us yanks are true players. Also, the increased number of games means that Roy Hodgson will need a big squad at his disposal; 1 + 2 = 3, 4² = 16, connecting the dots that means Eddie Johnson and ‘Los (who has recently fallen out of favor with Hodgie) might get to see the field in the Carling Cup, maybe even the FA Cup or Premiership.

Also, everyone knows that European paydays can change a club’s fortunes around, just ask Leeds United. Sorry, that was a low blow. IF Fulham’s Odyssey takes them to the UEFA Cup, I see one of two scenarios playing out (only two because we all know they won’t spend the money wisely):

1. Fulham take the money, lure a star player (did someone say that Deco was available on a Free Transfer) who makes the entire team better and brings better players to the club (the David Beckham effect), and continuously improve over the next five years. Cementing themselves at the foot of the big four ala Everton. Or…
2. Lure a big name player then crash and burn worse than my first sexual experience. Forcing them to sell everything, and cementing themselves mid-table of League 1 or 2, I can’t remember which is lower but that doesn’t really matter. You get the point.

Let me raise my pancake laden fork in a toast: “Good luck Fulham, please don’t screw this up like the recently finished Premiership season.”