We've Moved

Got tired of this blog so we're moving on... if there's anyone who had stopped here and wants to continue reading head over to: http://snortingtheendline.blogspot.com.

Finally Back in the Saddle

So it's been a month or 5 since I last posted, my apologies to the few who still check this space for opinions and comments. It's been busy to say the least, 3 weddings, 1 honeymoon, and some crazy work projects have made it hard to do anything when I am at home, let alone commenting on any and all soccer news in the world. Alas, something has come along that has finally gotten the creative (or snide asshole) juices flowing.

Beckham is going to the San Siro, I know this is nothing new. There have been others out there who have opined as to whether this will be good or bad for MLS. My opinion, if Beckham plays well and continues to hang onto that spot on Fabio Capello's bench, this will be a fantastic move for MLS. Think about the cast of players he'll get to discuss the merits of MLS with, Kaka, Ronaldinho, Sheva, Pato, etc. Also, performing well on this stage will lend some credibility to the rumors that MLS isn't quite as lowly as originally perceived. All of this while receiving some form of compensation (I hope) from the Milan club for Beckham's services. However, this move is absolutely horrible from the Galaxy's perspective. The captain of the club going AWOL during the pre-season when his club is likely to be shaken up quite a bit, does not bode well for all of the new talent coming in. In fact the new coach would be wise to select a new captain for the club.

Speaking of the Galaxy's new coach....Bruce Arena apparently did not learn a damn thing from coaching the US National team. I was at the Galaxy-Fire game a couple of weeks ago and Arena started Donovan as the offensive center midfielder in a 4-4-2 formation, a position which saw Landon become a ghost during games with the National team. After the Gals were down by two, with 15 minutes to go, Arena made a switch and moved Lanny up front as a second striker. Guess what happened: the Galaxy, and Donovan in particular, started causing havoc for the Fire D, and looked like they might get one or both of those goals back. Not knowing Bruce's true intentions (maybe he's been trying to help Donovan learn the position thus increasing his value in the transfer market) it's hard to judge him and his decisions, but I think most would agree that Donovan's best position is the tucked-in striker making runs off of a target forward, or as the central attacking midfielder in a 4-2-3-1 formation, though that's only be proven against weak CONCACAF opposition.

On to LannyCakes. Apparently Jurgen Klinsman's man-crush on the Galaxy player has lead to rumors that Donovan may once again test himself in Europe. While I applaud Donovan finally getting around to testing himself in the tougher environments across the pond, I sincerely hope he is not considering moving to the gigantic Bavarian club. Not only has he been uncomfortable and misunderstood in the "Fatherland" not once, but twice, but Bayern Munich have one of the most offensively gifted squads, on paper, on the continent. So it would be extremely frustrating for a player who's used to 90 minutes every game to be coming on as a sub only if Klose, Ribery, Toni, or Podolski have an off day. Also, the German top-flight is known throughout the world as second only to the Serie A when it comes to being tactically oriented. Not that Lanny can't figure out the tactics, but he's at his best when simply pinning the ears back and playing a more free-flowing game. I hope, for Donovan's and the US National team's sake, that he is a success wherever he may end up, but I hope for his sake it's in a league where a player of his ilk can shine. Somewhere like Spain, Holland, or England.

Donovan's move brings to light another player who the US National team's success in the near future depends on; Clint Dempsey. Apparently his cameo appearance, in which he scored the face saving, game-tying goal against Pompey, was only enough to merit a spot on the bench the next game. While part of me was hoping he'd pull out the watch tapping celebration ala Clint Mathis, I'm glad he took the higher road and was respectful. A few reasons why it's time for Deuce to move on: 1) The man who brought him in is not there anymore, it's obvious that Roy Hodge couldn't give two shakes of stick about whether Dempsey sees the pitch ever again; 2) Roy Hodge's long ball first tactical approach doesn't leave much room for free flowing attacking players such as Dempsey, Bobby Zamora and Andy Johnson are better suited to this style of play; 3) Dempsey is apparently suffering from the dreaded Eddie Johnson disease, a nasty mix of complacency and lethargy. I know that the Deuce lovers out there, if they even read this blog, will be sharpening the knives and knocking down my door, but the guy has looked lazy in his recent appearances for the National team. Maybe he just plays at his own speed, but he looks as bored as a petulant preteen with ADHD. Sure he's still producing, somewhat, for the Nats, but it's against weaker opposition and I guarantee that no one outside of the CONCACAF region would be concerned about coming up against him in his current form. He needs to move to team where he can compete for a spot and be rewarded with more than just a spot on the bench, he needs to go to a team where he'll have a coach that believes in and supports him while challenging him to be at his best every single game.

If anyone is reading this, let me know your thoughts.

This About Sums It Up Nicely

Here is an example of someone who receives paychecks for the way they write about soccer, in opposition to us who barely put two coherent sentences together. Jamie Trecker took the liberty of breaking down the last two US performances with a brutal, cutting honesty and clarity. Enjoy.

Fulham FC pays tribute to McBride

Here's Fulham FC's video tribute to Brian McBride. It's a sad that McBride will no longer be playing in the Prem, but it'll be great for a younger generation of fans to get to see him in the MLS. I just wish he had stuck around the Cottage long enough for Eddie Johnson to learn a few things about putting the ball into the net.

We'll save the truly sappy sentiments for your actual retirement.

5 Things I learned watching USA England

Actually the title should read 5 things I learned from the second half of USA England, because I'm and idiot and set up my vcr incorrectly. Anyways, onto the 5 things I learned about the USMNT from Wednesday's friendly:

1) Bob Bradley needs to make quicker substitutions
If the first half played out anything like the second half, Bradley should've been able to see that changes needed to be made at the half. If not to give us a better chance of getting the result then at least to get some other players a decent amount of minutes (see Nate Jaqua entering the game in the 90th minute, what effing good does that do anyone?). Throughout his tenure, at least the games I've watched, Bradley has been way to cautious and waited way to long to make substitutions. We, as Americans, come from Puritan blood however we've been conditioned throughout the years to be cavalier and daring. It's time we got the same out of a soccer coach, because right now daring decisions and tactics are the only thing that are going to get us anywhere in South Africa.

2) The central midfield pairing of Clark & Bradley, Bradley & Mastroeni, or Clark & Mastroeni is hereby banned from ever, ever, appearing for the 'Nats again.
For some reason the head coach of the USMNT continues to think that two holding/destroying midfielders is the best way to give our team a chance to win. I am here to tell you, as are all of the blogosphere and the English press, this will not ever, ever work against top class opposition. Why? Because none of our destroyers can maintain possession either through shielding and dribbling, or through intelligent distribution. Our best hope right now is Michael Bradley, who at the CONCACAF level shows flashes of possession. However, he needs to be paired with a more offensive minded midfielder, such as Maurice Edu (whom not known for his offensive prowess can at least distribute the ball decently), Benny Feilhaber (I think the kid, given playing time, can be a decent midfield general in the Claudio Reyna mold), or Freddy Adu (the kid is just yearning for a chance to play the number 10 role, why the hell not let him in some high caliber friendlies). The reason for this rant, our passing last night was atrocious, I think I witnessed a completion percentage of about 15% in the second half. We need someone who can at least bump that stat up a little and give others the confidence to make some passes.

3) We either need Knute Rockney giving pre-game talks or a captain that can inspire on the field
As most people who watched the game will tell you we lacked any heart, soul, pride, and passion. 'Los is a decent choice for a captain because he is reliable (most of the time) at the international level. However, there's no player in the talent pool that can rally the troops, inspire, and possibly will the team onto victory. Maybe next time we play England in the States we commandeer some of Steven Gerrard and John Terry's "little swimmers" and pair them up some of Mia Hamm's DNA, then we might be able to produce some soccer players who can lead a team and nation.

4) It's time to scrap everything we've ever known about the USMNT and just start from scratch with a young crop of players
Everything the USMNT has ever known about the sport of soccer needs to be thrown out the window. For a long time now pundits and punters alike have bemoaned the US's lack of a definitive style of play. It's time we shake some shit up and go with a new formation. I suggest a 3-5-2 this will accommodate all of our center backs and midfielders in our player pool. Granted, we still need a forward who can score. Playing this formation would allow us to utilize our speed on the flanks, and incorporate Deuce, Freddy, and LannyCakes in the same starting 11 playing close to their natural positions.

Also, it's time that we shed some dead weight. Eddie Lewis is a class act, Josh Wolff may have scored some important goals, Frankie Hejduk gives 1100% when on the field (I did mean to type eleven hundred, one hundred percent for every man on the field) and seems to live and die for our shirt, smae with Pablo Mastroeni. However much leadership these players provide, they're also remnants of the past and bring with them past baggage. I think we should just scrap anyone over the age of 28 (except goal-keepers) and just give the young'ns a baptism by fire. The kids in 1990 found a way to get into the World Cup and lay the foundation for where we are today. It's time for today's kids to lay a new foundation. We may not qualify at the top of our group, or at all, but I guarantee you that US Soccer would rise from whatever ashes there may be from this experiment and be better for it.

5) It pains me to say this but Landon Donovan was sorely missed yesterday
Without Landon Donovan on the pitch we don't stand a chance of being respected by any of the major soccer powers. I'm coming around to be tolerable of the LannyCakes fan club, and I'm realizing more and more how important he is to our team. Even with him on the pitch the Argentinas, Spains, Brazils, and Englands (etc.) of the world may not respect us, but at least we'd have proven speed and goal scoring abilities.

ESPN Drops the Ball, Again

Bravo ESPN, we salute you for your dedication to covering the Euros on your family of networks and only sloughing the first days matches to ESPN Classic. For that you deserve some credit.

However, our own national team is playing it's three toughest opponents in a row, ever, and for the two "Sexier" matches, in terms of who neutrals (see: not psychotic about footie) would rather/should see, many Americans (or maybe it's just me and my shit cable package) will be forced to watch the game on tape delay, in Spanish. What is so important that the USMNT squaring off against England, in Wembley, gets the bump to ESPN Classic? The French Open - Early Round play is taking up space on ESPN 2. Fair enough that the French Open is kind of a big deal, at least it's not jump rope for heart competitions. However, that leaves the whole mother ship of ESPN wide open then, right? Wrong. All of the crappy progamming that clutters ESPN 2 during the day has gotten bumped to ESPN on Wednesday; this includes such wonderfully stimulating television as "The Best of Mike and Mike in the Morning" (a radio show that they tape so we get to see the two gentlemen sitting at radio mics pontificating about sport), 1st and 10 (I'm not sure what the hell this is about, and I've even suffered through it before), and Jim Rome is burning (someone whose show should've been cancelled long ago).

While I've gotten used to the Entire SPorts Network snubbing my sport before, forcing me to watch it in Spanish. This time they've gone too far. Here's a game that could actually put soccer on the map in this country, if the US gets a result in London you can queue the Boston Tea Party References on Sports Center that evening, and guarantee that more people will then tune into the MLS season to watch LannyCakes taunt Beckham during Galaxy games. As well as providing some fodder for discussion about whether the US can actually compete in South Africa 2010. If the US were playing a meaningless friendly against Columbia (which you televised) or China (another that you televised) I could understand the snub, but this game is higher profile than the qualifier against Barbados. {Though, failure to get a result against the tiny island nation will undo any good the comes of the three friendlies; we're talking nuclear winter type setback.}

It was about time the USSF grew a pair and started scheduling more respected friendlies, now it's time for the Sports Journalists in this country, especially ESPN, to give the USMNT and soccer some respect. I'm not talking about taking up two of the three networks type of respect, say on June 8th when ESPN 2 is busy televising the Euros and ABC is televising "To BE Determined" while US vs. Argentina gets bumped to ESPN Classic. I'm just talking about some baby steps. That's All.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

It's that time again: time for me to tell our Yanks Abroad what they should do with their careers and their lives, because I am the smartest football pundit/punter on earth. Without further arrogance nor adieu:

• Bobby Convey – Stay
• You played maybe 15 total games in the Premiership, and even then you looked out of your league. Your performances in the Championship made you a fan favorite and gave you confidence, which in turn, got you onto the 2006 World Cup squad. We need that Bobby Convey to come back, but better. So reek havoc in the Championship or else you’ll slowly fade away into American soccer oblivion.
• Marcus Hahneman – Stay
• I’m not sure anyone in the Premiership is looking for a day-in day-out number 1, unless you count the three teams climbing up from the Colaship, but their defenses are probably worse than Reading’s was this past year.
• Eddie Lewis – GO
• You could probably hop onto one of the three promoted teams, but you’d be facing almost certain relegation. Fulham may be an option because they love their Americans there, however you’d still probably be facing a relegation battle. I hear San Jose has a team again and are looking for a new face for their franchise, plus you could show Claudio Reyna how to age gracefully in MLS.
• Benny Feilhaber – Push
• Since Derby went right back down, I think they were relegated by November of ’07, you may have shot a scoring some playing time, which you desperately need. Especially since some of Derby’s midfielder will not want to spend a season amongst the heathens below the Premiership, Robbie Savage I’m looking at you. Though you could probably get on with a relatively decent Intertoto cup side from Norway, Sweeden, Russia, etc. or even a lower table side in Germany, Holland, or Scotland.
• Brian McBride – Stay
• You along with Jimmy Bullard returned to the Cottage after injury and propelled Fulham to 17^th. As the captain I feel that you’re obligated to stay unless Sir Alex finally wakes up and realizes the issues ManU has because they lack a target forward, or Rafa starts looking for a Crouch replacement (though I don’t want to have to buy a Liverpool shirt, Adidas is churning out such shit these days).
• Clint Dempsey – Stay
• You just signed the new deal and magically Fulham stayed up, I think you’re their good luck charm. You still need to put together one full solid season, beginning to end, before the bigger clubs like Aston Villa, and Boro come wanting.
• Eddie Johnson – Stay
• Hopefully Fulham will crash the European party this season and the extra games will mean some PT, if not go out on loan, but stick with the Whites even if they go down next year. You could get a lot of experience and better yourself this way, then move on to hopefully bigger and better things. It wouldn’t hurt you to play well in the upcoming US friendlies and qualifiers either.
• Kasey Keller – Stay
• Through some act of god you managed to keep the number 1 shirt, even though you were a bit nervy. Frankly anything other coming back to the Seattle Sounders would almost certainly be a step down.
• Carlos Bocanegra – GO
• You’re not wanted, I’m not sure why because the oafs Fulham have back their now don’t really inspire confidence either. Play well this summer, then jump to newbie coming up from the Colaship, make your case then move to a mid table club a year later.
• Tim Howard – Stay
• Playing at Everton has solidified your status as the next great keeper from the states. It’s also propelled you to the number 1 status for you country, and given you the confidence to succeed there. Stay there until they force you out.
• Brad Friedel – Stay
• In Blackburn, you’re a god amongst men, stay until your AARP membership comes in the mail.
• Michael Bradley – GO
• Continue to play well this summer, and you’ll have to beat the mid table teams in England and Germany away with mortar rounds and Agent Orange. Tell your agent to pimp you as the “Poor Man’s Michael Carrick/Owen Hargreaves/Roy Keane (though without the nasty side).”
• Oguchi Onyewu – Push
• Playing back at Standard this season has made you more confident for the US, and you weren’t picking up bad habits from that clown Bramble. However, I think you may stagnate in Belgium, if the offer is right I say go wherever it is, except Intertoto Cup country or France.
• DaMarcus Beasley – Push
• On the one hand Rangers are a massive club as far as mid size European nations go, they’re always in the Champions League or UEFA Cup, but on the other they play anti-football (I read that they played a 6-3-1 in the UEFA Cup final, boo hiss). If someone with more attacking verve comes in for you, go. But, you might have to wait until January after proving your knee is healed
• Freddy Adu – No Clue
• Benfica is a larger club, they’re constantly in Europe, but I can’t read their website so I really don’t know if they’re slandering your over-hyped name or not. If you think you may have a shot at some PT then stay, if not go on loan to some Dutch team, where at least you’ll get to have a little fun in the red-light district every now and again, and on the field too.
• Jozy Altidore – Stay
• Just until January. Continue learning from Juan “I used to wear an Alice Band” Pablo Angel, it can only make you better. Plus you can more than likely haul in 15 goals this season while making a name for yourself with the ‘Nats. All pluses when it comes to enticing Europe’s fine suitors. One tale of caution, pick the club that is right for you. You don’t want to end up like Shaun Wright-Phillips now do you?
• Landon Donovan – HAHAHAHAHAHA GO
• I hear the New Kids on the Block are getting back together. Go my little Lanny, go, go, go!!! Thanks Pies, this made me laugh out loud.
  

Fulham FC possibly in Europe, WTF?!?

As most of you informed readers know by now (we’re never the first to break news here at SGS) Fulham FC has an outside shot at playing some continental footie next season. While this is certainly a newsworthy story, what makes it worthy of our brand of wit and sarcasm? First off, the five yanks who make West London and Craven Cottage their home.

And, secondly the fact the Fulham only escaped the drop into the Colaship by four goals and would be taking the most remote of back doors (located in the deepest, darkest, scariest alley littered with bums, trash, and tranny hookers that look like Ronaldinho) into European competition. That would be qualifying for the Intertoto Cup (this competition is considered a European competition like fried-chicken dipped in alfredo sauce is considered health food) via the FIFA Fair Play league, which could grant them entry into the qualifying rounds of the UEFA Cup. Since football is such a business anymore, no one would turn down the opportunity to play in Europe, get more revenue, and expand their brand to the darkest corners of Scandinavia and Eastern Europe; however, someone at Fulham should step up and give their place in the UEFA Cup via Intertoto Cup via the FIFA Fair Play League/rankings to someone more deserving, like say the Milwaukee Bavarians who, on a good day, could probably take all three points from the Cottage. Would the manliest of Prem managers, Roy Keane, allow his Sunderland team to qualify for Europe’s ugly step sister competition in such a way? I think not. One also has to wonder if the FIFA Fair Play League and Intertoto Cup were really created to give sub par Premiership, Serie A, Bundesliga, and Primera Liga sides a chance to get into Europe. Because, as we all know, shit clubs from Turkey, Greece, Russia, Norway, Iceland, Slovakia, et al. don’t even deserve the same chances that the shit teams in the Big 4 Leagues do.

Back to the first point I made about why this would even concern us here at Seven Guys Short; Kasey Keller, Eddie Johnson, Brian McBride, Clint Dempsey, and Carlos Bocanegra (if he stays). I as an American, and thus a Fulham fan, am happy that the Whites are possibly going to be playing on the continent in the fall. It isn’t often you see an American playing in Europe’s top club competitions, and to have the possibility of 5 yanks getting the opportunity to play in Europe, in the same season, in the same game is something that I didn’t think I’d see in my lifetime. It’ll be great experience for the players, as well as showing some people across the pond that some of us yanks are true players. Also, the increased number of games means that Roy Hodgson will need a big squad at his disposal; 1 + 2 = 3, 4² = 16, connecting the dots that means Eddie Johnson and ‘Los (who has recently fallen out of favor with Hodgie) might get to see the field in the Carling Cup, maybe even the FA Cup or Premiership.

Also, everyone knows that European paydays can change a club’s fortunes around, just ask Leeds United. Sorry, that was a low blow. IF Fulham’s Odyssey takes them to the UEFA Cup, I see one of two scenarios playing out (only two because we all know they won’t spend the money wisely):

1. Fulham take the money, lure a star player (did someone say that Deco was available on a Free Transfer) who makes the entire team better and brings better players to the club (the David Beckham effect), and continuously improve over the next five years. Cementing themselves at the foot of the big four ala Everton. Or…
2. Lure a big name player then crash and burn worse than my first sexual experience. Forcing them to sell everything, and cementing themselves mid-table of League 1 or 2, I can’t remember which is lower but that doesn’t really matter. You get the point.

Let me raise my pancake laden fork in a toast: “Good luck Fulham, please don’t screw this up like the recently finished Premiership season.”

Fulham continue their Great Escape Bid

Unfortunately I have a bad case of writer's block. The urge to write hasn't gone away, it's just that every time I sit down the few words that do trickle out of my fingertips sound lame or don't go anywhere.

That being said, Fulham continue to get results, similar to last season when their survival was on the line; thus keeping up the hopes of countless Americans. Fair enough that Fulham aren't always pretty to watch, the ambition of the owner could be called into question; however as a supporter of US Soccer and its players (even begrudgingly LannyCakes) I root for the Whites. So come on McBride, Dempsey, and Keller, keep Fulham in the Prem so we can enjoy at least one more season of Americans in the top flight of English Football.

Damnit Fulham

So.....Fulham live to fight another day. On the one hand I, as a fan of Club America, am happy because it means that 5 Yanks might still be in the Prem next season. However, I as a writer have been planning a piece about where the 5 as well as others should/could ply their trade next season after Fulham goes down. I did not want to write this piece before it was known whether Fulham would survive for two reasons a) I didn't want to look like a jackass if Fulham survived and b) I have a habit of worrying about my teams and then bad things happen.

So...Fulham live to fight another day. Keep up the good fight Cottagers, I can always write about this in June.